Love and affection

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 25 MAY 2021 9:28PM

Love has never won me till the date. People might have think i'm scared to be in love but i say no one has ever served me the love i am seeking for. Love these days is very conditional and that made me believe or may be to end to have feelings within me. This doesn't mean i don't have feelings at all but the situation and the people I've met made me be so. Hard to believe that Love is a feeling. The word Love is more about seeking for a person to depend upon. Furthermore, it's leaving independent and acceptance of being dependent. This is where people start to seek happiness in others rather than being happy with what they have already. Once it is adapted it is hard to get out from it but not impossible its just that we have to go through many stages. 

I seek for more independent life may be this is the reason I refuse consciously or subconsciously to have feelings for others. May be i started choosing only me and myself in everything, may be i chose to enjoy my own company and of-course to be free independent. Happiness for me is to be myself around myself and make happy being myself in.

26 May 2021 4:39PM

Love and affection is this relatable every time? Does love starts with attraction or affection? I really cannot understand what is love actually. It might be like this if my priority for someone is higher than to myself. I put them first before me is that so? I think love has different meaning or moreover no one has exact meaning or definition for love. No one can define love or express in words. Love itself is a complicating; it also depends on how you perceive it. But for me it is very complicating thing. For instance, if you love your mother/ sister/ father so much till the date, but there's comes a day when you guys have discussion or argument; that time you will hate them the most. So my question is where does love has gone on that time? As we grow older we start having differences in many ways, as our circumstance, our priorities start changing or developing of new priorities; i ask where does that love has gone? All of those years grew up together in every ups and down. Do we really forget things? Even between husband and wife, some of them end up in divorce. So did they forgot all the care, love, intimacy, all those ups and down they gone through together? That means love is just a lie, thats what i know till the death. That person is right and love them until they do something advantageous for you. LOVE IS JUST A LIE.

30 May 2021 10:20AM

I always have many options in life but cannot be very decisive to choose one. I am so scared to face my fears and outcome after that, scared to get blamed and fear to pull down myself. But I want to face that fear, overcome my fear of being feared. This is the reason i am scared to open myself to someone else. Today i was reading a book and i read that being in relationship with someone you love make u a disciplined person. But i wonder how, if i am willing to be discipline i will have to make an effort for myself. I cannot expect somebody else to discipline me. This is why i call being in love will make you so much dependent on others. 

I want to live normal life as people do in the terms of love. Whenever i get into relationship, i end up with some bullshit reason and push away that person from me. I just can't let any other person to know me better than i know myself. I tired many times but i just couldn't. It is because i do not want to be disciplined women is that so? To hell with other's opinion, may be the time hasn't come for me to be with someone else. Cause every time the word ego comes in between, attitude and stuffs like that, so that means love is all about compromise? Being in relationship also means you can't be true to yourself. That means you have to fake it until you make happy ending? My gosh! the more i think about love the more i feel this not my cup of tea. I've been in relationship, all i found is selfishness, all they think is their happiness, their desire, their wants, everything they comes first. And i tell myself every time for heaven sake! stop pretending girl! It's time to quit. And that's where it ends. THE END! 


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